Confessions of a Mela-Choleric

Its the end of the year. 

Much has happened good and bad. Looking back I realised that a lot have changed. Some I may or may not have realised yet.

For this year - for the first time I found a resolution for me to keep - something personal. Reasons being that upon reflecting back I realise that I am a pessimist. I'm proud, vain, stubborn - features that I'm not proud to admit. There are much to be thankful of and I did not. 

I chanced upon a personality quiz a month ago and I was stunned on how closely it matched me. Here are some snippets

 "...prefers to work alone, rather than with people."

"...your weaknesses include a tendency of excessive self-criticism and criticism of others, being dismissive or overly judgemental  and possessing an untrustful and controlling nature." 

"...can become a cross to those around him, through his nit-picking, perfectionism, disdain, bitterness, resentfulness, spitefulness when crossed, and even haughtiness."

These are issues that I've been struggling with this year. Trust is very hard to give and as much as I try, I demand too much from others and I become frustrated and disappointed when they fail. I am also exhausted as I find it hard to let go.

Problem issues isn't it?

However, next year will be a fresh beginning, a new one and also my final semester. A year that I intend to treasure. One where I could try to change for the better. 

I won't promise anything but I will do my best.

The Culinaire Choice

Truthfully I have never ever considered, not even a tiny bit of being a chef student. My choices had been what you can call a typical choice? Predictable. Fashion Design, Mass Comm etc.

However when it was suggested, I felt it 'resonate'- if that's the correct word - within me. But still  even within Culinary Arts there were choices within choices. Where to go? What to specialize in? I am never one to mull on decisions long but I was. It stumped me, the limitations of myself.

I love the front lines, service is my passion. Interacting with guest beings be joy. Its stressful, yes but still I love it. However for my internship, I would still need to select a field to specialize in.

Hot Kitchen is exciting, where all the main action is. I thrive on action finding myself loving it in practical sessions. However it is one matter to cook pre-prepared and another matter to cook for live crowd. Fried noodles and such need to be cooked ala minute - which means you cook when the order comes in. No matter how good I'll be, I'll never have enough strength - strength to compete with the gentlemen.

Cold Kitchen - Salads, Starters, Sandwiches -  a predictable selection usually for female students. Its okay, excellent even but still not quite there. Something essential is missing. The same goes with pastry. Arranging desserts all day isn't how I want to spend my 4-6 month. I want to learn something new. Even with the lowest task.

I've never though of this before but then it occurred to me - What about the Bakery? Its not usually a typical choice for girls because of the heat but still... I don't like eating bread but then I think I actually enjoy making it. Kneading dough, learning of the different types...its exciting but its not as taxing compared to the main kitchen.

It was then I made my choice. I would apply for the Bakery Departments and perhaps the Cold Kitchen as supplements. Choices are very important. Its what that makes our life. I have found mine and I will never look back. Have you made yours?

Now and Then

Recently I went through older posts and I can't believe that I've written them. It felt strange...I felt the old me was more...me.

I'm currently in my 5th semester and I feel that time passed too soon. Again I went for the 2012 MotoGP but this time as a Kitchen Crew...my birthday...everything went by in a flash.

I feel that somehow if I don't record these moments I will lose them to time. After all  there is only so much our brain can remember.

Compared to before, since high school I've stopped dancing, writing, photography, anime...

I guess I changed~in more ways then one. I can;t say if its for the better or worse but I'll love myself and embrace it.

Lets hope my next post here would be more regular~ =)

SUP3R JUNI0R~

I don't know where to start.

I swear I was never a Kpop/K-drama fan before and even if I did watch them I used to prefer J-drama. I think if I were to simplify it, it would be like this:

Skip Beat manga/anime >> SB Taiwan drama >> Super Junior

I bet you're puzzled.

Before everything I am a fan of manga and I was really excited when Skip Beat was to have its own drama

I had low expectations of Mandarin drama because I am more of a TVB Hong Kong drama-ish person. But I watched it anyway and was amazed. It wasn't as bad as I thought it to be. Choi Siwon as Tsuruga Ren was especially mind blowing. (Incase you're curious Donghae on the left is supposed to be Sho Fuwa)

I was even more surprised that Siwon is a korean because his Mandarin is damn good...O_O It was until I checked mr.Google that I learned that he and Donghae is part SuJu. By then its already too late. Their catchy songs and amazing routine has netted me.

SuJu is a Kpop boy band debuted in 2005 as a 12 member group but comprised of 13 members at its peak. However Hangkyung left in 2009 after a dispute/lawsuit T.T

Currently, SuJu has 10 active members with the return of Kangin from his mandatory military service. Unfortunately Heechul is still in the army and Kibum...well he's away.

Honestly, it took me a while to recognise ALL their face since their routine is face paced. And my favourite of them all if you haven't guessed already is Choi Siwon - the gentleman/prince of Suju. 

I regretted that I haven't liked them before since there are people I know that have tried to introduce them to me years ago. I feel like hitting my head because they even came to Malaysia before. I am now looking forward to their upcoming 6th Comeback album - Sexy, Free & Single released soon on July 1st. It will be the last album before Leader Eeteuk leaves for his mandatory military service and another estimated 8 years before the whole group can be together again (Most of them haven't completed their Military Service)

Right now I'm excited....really excited

Whoopie~!!

Today has really made my day in so many ways. 

I have really been dreading class with my lecturer Chef Rafan because even when I was not his student...yet, on one unlucky day I got scolded by him three times. The worst is - It wasn't even my fault. I just happened to be standing there at the wrong day and wrong time. I mean, don't you feel wrong that you;ve been yelled out of the blue. However, this is how our industry works. As my lecturer says Welcome to the industry.

Today I have been assigned to do main course which by itself is a rarity last semester. It wasn't because I did not want to do it - It's just that I don't get a chance amidst all the boys. No matter how good I become, I will never be as strong as one of the boys - especially hard headed boys like them. Its not that I don't like them, I actually like them very much but sometimes I'd like to have a go at it too. If you get what I mean. 

Participating in this advanced kitchen practical with our  junior/senior degree students was really awesome. First of all, since we are their seniors in terms of experience wise (degree students do not have intermediate and join advanced from basic), they tend to defer to us.

We were in charge of the Lamb Cannelloni and which she preped the lasagna I did the Lamb Bolognaise sauce which received the seal of approval. But the best part was, instead of sidelining me to plating  he addressed me by my name and asked me to man the grill. I was really over the moon~!! This lecturer do not remember his students names easily. Heck, he doesn't even remember the names of my course mate who took classes with him last semester but he remembered mine after one day.

I hope this bodes well and may I always stay in his favor - since after all this is an 100% coursework subject. To stand out well would almost guaranty me an 'A' in his subject. 

First Impressions>??

Is it because the truth hurts>? I can't help but wince

I have always wondered what people thought of me. I always thought they did not matter but today I just realised that deep down...somewhere in my heart maybe I always did in so many levels.

I have heard many words that described me but I never thought that one day, someday I'd be called a bitch. Even though this was something she thought of me in the past I still felt a little hurt. We were talking and for once I'm glad for the cover of night.

Maybe it'd hurt because it wasn't just her thoughts... but to know what half of my class hated me when I first entered because personality wise, I was described like a bitch. Even though they mellowed out once they got to know me but don't you think its a problem>?

I was told that it was probably because of my attitude when it came to assignments and such. That I was being demanding and short tempered when working in a group. 

I realise that I can;t help getting  into that royally pissed mode people don't do their work. I don't think its too much to ask. I hate group assignments because I always end up being the one carrying the slack. But sometimes by the time I realise that I'm being "bitchy" its already too late.

So tell me. Is it that wrong for me to be selfish when it come to my studies>? I was always thought that when it came to my studies I should always put myself first before anything else because anything lower then CGPA 3.5 will not be paying for college.

Tell me. Have I being wrong? What am I supposed to do. Sometimes I feel lost amongst the world. Where is my place in all of this.