Nilai 2011 Fun Run

Yesterday was NILAI UNIVERSITY 11th Fun Run. It was the first time I saw the entire campus abuzz with activites - lecturers and students alike - coupled with rumours of the the 'officially unconfirmed' Deepavali holidays. It was quite exciting actually.

I did not mind watching them as running/ walking/ anything that requires stamina and endurance as it was never my forte anyway. With my size, people might think I am quite a decent runner but quite unfortunately I suck.

But watching the performances I was literally awestruck. It was exciting and it gave me a feeling that I've never felt in a long time.  A long time ago, everyone in school knew me. Now here in university for once I felt invisible. I wan't to be noticed - a performer - I want to be on the stage.

By next semester, I'll take part as a student helper or a performer. I've already been here 5 month. I can't wait forever. I refuse to spend my entire life doing nothing. I'll start with the upcoming motor GP. It'll be fun. I'm sure of it...or perhaps not?

"The best thing you can do in your life is to follow your heart. Take risks, live life. Don't have any regrets and know that everything happens for a reason."

Uncertainty of the Heart

"It sucks when you know that you need to let go, but you can't because you're still waiting for the impossible to happen."

You were my first friend in a strange place. I wondered if things did change that much. Saying hello to you and yet you won't even meet my eye. Was it me? I want to know - I really do - your reason.

Even though knowing will put me at ease. Yet a part of me doesn't want to ask. It feels like by confronting you -  my fears will somehow be realised. Is it really al right to allow everything to just drift away?

"Moving on is hard. Knowing when to move on is harder."

Yesterday we were best friends, Today I was suddenly a nobody. As far as I'm concerned, I haven't even done anything. Why? I really didn't think you were that sort of a person...but maybe you were. I just never realised.

I'm tired. I really feel tired - anticipating your feelings, trying hard to maintain something that was already falling apart. Do you know that? You were an important part of my life. I won't deny that but I also won't deny that it was also you who single handedly took everything apart.

"If someone came into your life but for some reason couldn't stay...just be glad that your paths crossed and somehow even for a moment you were happy."

This is how I choose to remember you by - friend, sisters, group mates, my first friend here.

Sister Before, Now but Nevermore

"Letting go doesn't means giving up, it means accepting some thing that were never meant to be."

We used to be sisters - you said we'll be sisters forever. What a joke. I should have listened to my heart and yet I choose to trust you. Yet I somehow knew that this wouldn't last.

We used to speak of anything and everything under the sky. We spoke easily without reservation. The friendship we've built...it felt like it'll last forever. I guess you're no different.

I was happy for you when you've found your partner - truly happy and you assured me that you'll always be there. Things will not have changed so much that no matter what happens we'll always be sisters. Or so you said.

As the gap widened I tried to prevail against it but who am I to fight against nature. Does having someone special means forgoing everything you once had? It is inevitable but I feel like I don't know who you are anymore.

She was a strong, brave and so I thought she'd be different - different from other love struck girls. And yet day by day, slowly she was starting to lose a little of herself to him. I fear, one day there'll be none of herself left.

It occurred to me how far apart we've grown. I know that I should talk to you and ask you how you've been. I tried once, twice but I'm not going to ask for a third time. This time I've decided to let you go. You'll hardly notice. But one day, if you're in need of a friend, a shoulder - I'll always be here.

You don't know me anymore and its okay. I understand things are different now. I wish you all the best in love, luck and dreams - Sisters now and always.

"I've learned that things change, people change and it doesn't mean that you're forgetting the past of covering up. It simply means that you've learned to treasure the memories and move on."