Confessions of a Mela-Choleric

Its the end of the year. 

Much has happened good and bad. Looking back I realised that a lot have changed. Some I may or may not have realised yet.

For this year - for the first time I found a resolution for me to keep - something personal. Reasons being that upon reflecting back I realise that I am a pessimist. I'm proud, vain, stubborn - features that I'm not proud to admit. There are much to be thankful of and I did not. 

I chanced upon a personality quiz a month ago and I was stunned on how closely it matched me. Here are some snippets

 "...prefers to work alone, rather than with people."

"...your weaknesses include a tendency of excessive self-criticism and criticism of others, being dismissive or overly judgemental  and possessing an untrustful and controlling nature." 

"...can become a cross to those around him, through his nit-picking, perfectionism, disdain, bitterness, resentfulness, spitefulness when crossed, and even haughtiness."

These are issues that I've been struggling with this year. Trust is very hard to give and as much as I try, I demand too much from others and I become frustrated and disappointed when they fail. I am also exhausted as I find it hard to let go.

Problem issues isn't it?

However, next year will be a fresh beginning, a new one and also my final semester. A year that I intend to treasure. One where I could try to change for the better. 

I won't promise anything but I will do my best.

The Culinaire Choice

Truthfully I have never ever considered, not even a tiny bit of being a chef student. My choices had been what you can call a typical choice? Predictable. Fashion Design, Mass Comm etc.

However when it was suggested, I felt it 'resonate'- if that's the correct word - within me. But still  even within Culinary Arts there were choices within choices. Where to go? What to specialize in? I am never one to mull on decisions long but I was. It stumped me, the limitations of myself.

I love the front lines, service is my passion. Interacting with guest beings be joy. Its stressful, yes but still I love it. However for my internship, I would still need to select a field to specialize in.

Hot Kitchen is exciting, where all the main action is. I thrive on action finding myself loving it in practical sessions. However it is one matter to cook pre-prepared and another matter to cook for live crowd. Fried noodles and such need to be cooked ala minute - which means you cook when the order comes in. No matter how good I'll be, I'll never have enough strength - strength to compete with the gentlemen.

Cold Kitchen - Salads, Starters, Sandwiches -  a predictable selection usually for female students. Its okay, excellent even but still not quite there. Something essential is missing. The same goes with pastry. Arranging desserts all day isn't how I want to spend my 4-6 month. I want to learn something new. Even with the lowest task.

I've never though of this before but then it occurred to me - What about the Bakery? Its not usually a typical choice for girls because of the heat but still... I don't like eating bread but then I think I actually enjoy making it. Kneading dough, learning of the different types...its exciting but its not as taxing compared to the main kitchen.

It was then I made my choice. I would apply for the Bakery Departments and perhaps the Cold Kitchen as supplements. Choices are very important. Its what that makes our life. I have found mine and I will never look back. Have you made yours?

Now and Then

Recently I went through older posts and I can't believe that I've written them. It felt strange...I felt the old me was more...me.

I'm currently in my 5th semester and I feel that time passed too soon. Again I went for the 2012 MotoGP but this time as a Kitchen Crew...my birthday...everything went by in a flash.

I feel that somehow if I don't record these moments I will lose them to time. After all  there is only so much our brain can remember.

Compared to before, since high school I've stopped dancing, writing, photography, anime...

I guess I changed~in more ways then one. I can;t say if its for the better or worse but I'll love myself and embrace it.

Lets hope my next post here would be more regular~ =)